A few years ago, I had a reader who was desperate to join one of our high-end training programmes…

But I had to turn him down.

Not because he wasn’t enthusiastic or capable of success.

It was clear he was in no position to start a business.

He was financially overstretched, borrowing money from family to pay the fee, and his whole plan rested on making a return within weeks (or sooner) to pay them back.

That’s not a serious business plan. That’s too much pressure – the kind that’s the enemy of the clear thinking required to build something from scratch.

I’ve seen it before – people who start from a place of desperation.

They need things to work so badly that they can’t make good decisions.

They rush, panic and end up quitting.

So I told him honestly: this isn’t the right moment for you. Come back when you’re on steadier ground.

(I gave him a link to this article to help him get back on his feet.)

He was disappointed, naturally. And I thought that was the end of it.

But then the emails started arriving… daily!

Politely at first, then with increasing urgency.

And yet, the more I held firm, the more determined he became.

In fact my polite refusal hadn’t put him off – it had done the opposite!

What I’d accidentally triggered is a well-documented psychological phenomenon called REACTANCE – the powerful urge people feel when someone limits their choices or threatens their freedom to act.

I’m sure you’ve seen it before.

Tell a child they can’t have a treat and suddenly that treat is all they want.

Tell a teenager they can’t date someone and the relationship intensifies overnight.

Try it yourself right now:

“DON’T THINK ABOUT A PINK ELEPHANT”

Too late. I’m guessing that fuchsia-hued giant of the savannah was the first thing that popped into your mind’s eye!

But seriously, this is why banned books become bestsellers and banned films become cult classics.

Restriction breeds desire.

And – used ethically – it’s one of the most powerful marketing techniques.

Consider the following:

The Velvet Rope

In busy towns at night you’ll often see a club with a velvet rope outside that stops people from walking straight in.

The idea is that you have to queue first and get accepted by the doorman.

Sometimes, there’s actually plenty of room inside – the velvet rope is purely there to make the place feel more exclusive and desirable.

This works in sales copy too.

Rather than just let people click to buy or sign up, you erect a psychological velvet rope and make them apply or qualify to join.

Instantly, it increases the signal that what you have to offer must be worthwhile, because it’s not being offered to anyone and everyone.

Waitlists

Have you ever gone on a waiting list?

Maybe it was for an exclusive new product launch or for concert tickets.

The anticipation is intense, isn’t it?

You can’t stop thinking about it, hoping you’ll get that opportunity.

It’s the same when you tell people that your course, service or programme is full – or not yet available – and that’s you’re putting them on a list.

The waiting process builds desire.

A good method is to create an email ‘invitation’ list before a product launches, then send regular updates in the run-up to your big opening day, selling the benefits of what they’ll get if they can act fast enough.

The Application Form

If you have a high level service, consider making people fill in an application form before they can see the details.

It’s a way of matching your service to only the most qualified customers.

The effort invested in filling out the form creates a sense of psychological commitment, and a feeling that they risk NOT getting accepted, which stimulates that classic ‘reactance’ response.

“This Probably Isn’t For You”

If a friend says to you, “This film is quite slow and intellectual, not everyone gets it”, you’re going to feel very determined to “get it”.

Same goes if a nutritionist tells you that “most people find this diet too hard to stick to”.

It will increase your urge to prove them wrong.

So consider being upfront about who your product or service programme isn’t suitable for.

Counterintuitively, listing all the people you won’t accept makes those who DO qualify feel special and self-selected.

This also pre-qualifies your prospects, so you get better customers who’ll actually enjoy and benefit from what you have to offer.

Scarcity

Every year, Glastonbury tickets go on sale and get snapped up in seconds. This scarcity makes people who don’t even like festivals want to go there!

This principle is why imposing limits on a product can work so well.

For instance, releasing just 100 copies of a book,…offering only 50 places on a coaching programme…. or keeping the doors open to a service for 2 weeks only.

It must be justified though…

For instance, if you say “I only take on 50 people per year because I give each customer dedicated one-to-one coaching every month” that seems more than reasonable.

But if you just slap a vague “I’m only offering this to 50 people” it might seem like a cheap trick.

The Qualifying Quiz

A good technique is to offer a short quiz to determine if a customer is right for your product. This is something they could do before accessing the sales page… or something you sent to your email waiting list before a launch.

The Reluctant Seller

Sometimes you can tell a potential customer that you’re not entirely sure whether you even want to sell them something.

You might express reservations and doubts…

Perhaps it’s not the right fit… perhaps you’re giving too much away… maybe they’re not ready for it…

It signals that you care more about the real outcome than grabbing their money. This makes people trust you more and more eager to sign up.

Social Proof of Rejection

You could share (anonymously) that you’ve just turned someone down, and why.

For instance, “I had to decline someone this week because they weren’t ready — here’s what ready looks like…”

This tells your audience exactly who gets in AND demonstrates that you do actually say no sometimes, making your ‘yes;’ more valuable.

It’s a bit like those notoriously harsh judges on TV talent shows…

Their rare praise carries ten times more weight than the pleasant judge’s praise.

Price as Filter

Sometimes more expensive gym memberships will attract more customers because they perceive that the high price means superior equipment and training.

Not only that, but they’ll commit to it more, and go more often, because they’re paying a significant amount for it.

So rather than making the price of your product affordable to everyone, set a fee that will put off the wrong people.

A higher price attracts more committed buyers and repels time-wasters, which improves results, and therefore improves your reputation.

A Word of Warning

The most powerful programmes often combine several of the above factors at once…

A waitlist, an application, a qualifying call, and a price point that filters out the genuine seekers from the tyre kickers.

By the time someone joins up, they feel like they truly earned their place, which massively improves engagement and results.

This increases the likelihood of them recommending you to others…. reviewing you nicely online… sharing you on social media… and buying more from you in the future.

However, you MUST be ethical about it.

There’s a difference between:

• Manipulation (triggering responses to get people to act against their own interests)
• Influence (using psychology to help people overcome their hesitation about something that will genuinely help them).

So make sure all your efforts are an attempt to influence rather than manipulate.

Which means that the exclusivity needs to be real… the scarcity needs to be honest… and the price needs to be justified.

It should be that you’d genuinely rather turn someone away than take their money if they’re not the right fit.

The more you do this, the more you will be trusted by other customers, eagerly waiting in the wings.