I’m a big fan of John Cooper Clarke…

If you’re not aware of him, he’s a poet from Salford in the North of England, who became famous in the punk era for his witty, quick-fire verse.

In the 80s and 90s he’d often do support slots for iconic bands like The Fall and New Order…

And these days you see him pop up on panel shows like Would I Lie to You or 9 Out of 10 Cats – often being the funniest guy in the room.

One of Clarke’s early classics was ‘Kung Fu International’, a poem about him getting beaten up outside a Chinese takeaway by a teenager.

Bloodied and broken, he crawls to a public telephone box where there happens to be a dead body inside….

Before he’s beaten up again by a zen master policeman who knows Kung Fu!

Check it out on YouTube.

Anyway, a few years ago, I snapped up this Print-On-Demand T-shirt on Redbubble.

The funny photomontage image is of John Cooper Clarke doing… Kung Fu!

It has since become one of my favourite t-shirts, and I’ve worn it a lot.

I’ve always presumed that the writing in Chinese characters at the top read ‘Kung Fu International’….

And the text below contained the last lines from the poem:

“Enter The Dragon / Exit Johnny Clark.”

However, something weird happened yesterday…

I was proudly wearing the T-shirt while I walked the dog on a sunny afternoon in North London.

On two occasions, two different people stared at it for much longer than normal… with quizzical looks on their faces.

Now, without being presumptuous about their heritage, I believe they could read Chinese.

So, what was it that intrigued them so much?

When I got home, I took a picture and asked ChatGPT to translate the text for me.

And, indeed, the top line really is ‘Kung Fu International’.

All good so far…

But the bottom line translates to…

“POST-WAR GLAMOUR GIRL”

Erm… this line is absolutely not in the original poem.

How bizarre!

I can’t work out what’s going on here…

Perhaps it’s deliberate mischief by the t-shirt designer, cheekily throwing in a mistranslation, knowing that most customers wouldn’t notice.

Or it could be an oblique reference to Cooper Clarke’s fashion sense (big hair, dandyish 1960s mod clothes).

Or it’s a mistake…

Perhaps they used a dodgy translator, or they cut and paste text from the internet without checking it.

Will I ever know?!!

Anyway, as a copywriter I thought this was interesting…

Because it reveals something important about communication.

The Connection Principle

You see, one of the biggest myths in marketing is that communication happens when you write or speak.

Perhaps you fire off an email, post something on social media, or stick a headline on a Facebook sponsored post… and assume that the job is done.

You are communicating!

But of course, you aren’t actually communicating until someone at the other end UNDERSTANDS.

That doesn’t just mean ‘understands English’ or ‘understands Mandarin’.

It only really happens when the person understands what the message MEANS to them!

Whatever you send out as a business communication, you need to know that every prospect will mentally translate your message into: “What does this mean for me?”

If the translation fails, then you’ll lose their attention.

They won’t feel it’s relevant or useful to them – or that it’s even FOR them.

So they won’t click, or subscribe or buy the product.

Therefore you’ve wasted a sales opportunity – one that probably cost you time and money.

The solution is to make sure that what you send out isn’t so complicated that it requires a reader to spend time and energy working out the message.

Why The Best Marketing Needs No Translation

The strongest marketing messages are instantly understood by the target customer.

For example:

• Lose weight without counting calories.
• Earn extra income from your knowledge.
• Get more customers without spending all day on social media.
• Sleep better tonight.

You don’t need me to explain these.

With these kinds of promises there’s no decoding required.

You don’t have to unpack a lot of jargon, do the maths in your head, or understand specific terminology.

The problem is, a lot of inexperienced marketers fail to understand this.

And I get the reason why…

When you first create a product or service you know EVERYTHING about it.

You know all the features, all the specifications, all the terminology.

And you’ve been deep in research and development for months.

You’re rightfully excited and proud of it.

But this can blind you to how an ordinary person might understand your marketing message.

You assume that they have a level of knowledge, understanding and enthusiasm that’s close to yours.

Often, they don’t.

They’re probably busy, pushed for time, and spotted your message in their inbox, or on social media, while they’re thinking about other things..

So you have SECONDS to grab their attention and make them understand what they have to gain by taking action (like clicking on a link to find out more).

You can regale them with all the statistics, results and technical details you like…

But it may as well be in foreign language…

UNLESS you spell out precisely what it means for them…

• In real terms that they understand…
• In a way that relates to their actual lived experience…
• Addressing their specific goals and problems.

In my time I’ve helped a lot of people attempt to write sales promotions for the first time.

And the big mistake most of them make is that they pile in loads of facts and figures, hoping to impress the reader.

But what they really need to do is translate that stuff into a clear, everyday promise.

Perhaps they might say: “Half a million people now use this AI-Powered Content Automation Platform”.

Sounds impressive.

But… SO WHAT?

What does this actually mean for the person who you’re communicating with?

Far better would be to say..

“At last, you can publish great content every week in a fraction of the time without staring at a blank screen.”

And if it was a long-copy piece, you could even paint a picture of how this would transform the reader’s life.

“Imagine….

You flip open your laptop each morning… punch in a few basic written commands…

And watch as blog posts and social media posts appear in a matter of minutes.

All written in your distinctive style, as if you’d spent hours working on them!

You could then spend the rest of the day doing other things…

Going to work… walking the dog.. hanging out with family…”

In this way, you take a dry fact or feature and turn it into a relatable experience that the reader will comprehend right away, without further explanation.

Spelling it out for them means you reduce friction.

Rather than making them pause to think, work it out, and imagine what it means… just DO IT FOR THEM!

To put this into action, try this..

Turn Features into Benefits

Take every feature of a product or service you’re developing… and ask yourself, what does this mean for the target reader?

How, specifically, will they benefit in terms of their lived experience?

For example, let’s say you are promoting a ‘magnesium patch’ where the nutrient is absorbed through the skin.

You could translate that feature into multiple benefits like:

• Get 24 hours relief from your annoying muscle pain
• Quick absorption through the skin for faster action.
• No need to take pills or swallow liquids
• No need to worry about forgetting your medication
• Just stick it on your upper arm and go about your day with peace of mind.
• Discreet, so nobody will notice you wearing it, saving you embarrassment.

Now the reader has a clear idea of what this patch will do for them in practical terms.

Of course you could use AI to help you:

“My target customer is [DESCRIBE BRIEFLY]. Take the following feature of this product and come up with as many real life benefits for my customer as possible [INSET FEATURE].”

You can do this over and over, with each feature.

The same principle applies to editorial writing for eBooks, reports, blog posts and emails.

Take every statistic, fact and figure in the piece of content that you’re writing….

And find a way to explain in real terms what each one actually means.

For instance, “This method saves users 6 hours a week” could be translated into:

“That gives you back the equivalent of an entire working day every week… time you could spend with family, develop your business or simply switch off and relax!”

To give you another example…

“This platform attracts 20,000 new subscribers every month” could be translated like this:

“That means thousands of new potential customers are arriving each week, looking for ideas, recommendations and solutions… giving you a constantly growing audience that is hungry for your content… helping you grow your subscriber list quickly, without any advertising cost.”

When you do this, you’ll find that your content becomes more compelling, more relatable and more relevant to your reader.

As a result you’ll get:

• More response to your messages…
• More subscribers and followers…
• More people opening and reading your emails….
• And more trust in your service!

So I hope you can see how crucial this is?

If you’d like more advice on turning features into benefits, let me know and I’ll try and put more material together for you in the future.

As for my John Cooper Clarke t-shirt…

Well, I’ll still wear it – even if I do get funny looks!